What does it mean to be a woman?

I wish someone had helped me with this question when I was younger!

From as early as I can remember, a voice inside kept telling me I was male. For most of my life, I listened to that voice and rejected all things girly. Skirts. Dresses. Pink. Anything fluffy or delicate. Then in my mid-twenties, I did a complete U-turn in an attempt to be a ‘good Christian woman’. The problem was, I got it completely wrong.

Instead of looking at the Bible, I looked at those around me and tried to copy them. Most other women were quieter than me, less jokey, less outgoing, less colourful, less opinionated, less assertive, less vocal. ‘OK, I’ll be like that.’ This made me more and more unhappy as I suppressed all of the things about my personality that made me me. I ended up riddled with anxiety, barely able to get out of bed in the morning.

So what is the answer? What does it mean to be a woman, let alone a Christian woman?

Here’s what I’ve learned.

A surprising woman

It turns out, when you actually look at the Bible, being a woman has nothing to do with wearing flowery dresses and smiling sweetly instead of having opinions. 

Check out Proverbs 31, a passage in which the writer describes a woman worthy of honour:

She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard (Proverbs 31:16).

She is a businesswoman.

She dresses herself with strength
    and makes her arms strong (Proverbs 31:17).

Nothing wrong with being strong!

She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant (Proverbs 31:24).

She is creative.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26)

She is wise and has important things to say.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

Godliness is way more important than beauty!

God made me

Over and above these verses, there is a greater truth that took me a while to get my head around:

God made me.

This sounds obvious but if you think about it, it changes everything…

Psalm 139:13-16 says:

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

God was intimately involved in my creation and in yours. You did not come off a factory conveyor-belt when God was on his phone in the other room. He lovingly handcrafted you. You are not an accident.

If you are female, God made you that way.

If you are male, God made you that way.

In fact, not only did God make you, he made you in his image (Genesis 1:27). What does that mean? For me it means that all the things about my personality that I thought were ‘unacceptable for a woman’ are things that God has put in me to reflect different aspects of his personality.

I once met with one of my church leaders, Steve, because I was upset about my lack of emotional skills. Other women seemed to be way more caring and compassionate, whereas I was more cerebral and practically-minded. I felt ashamed. 

Steve told me, ‘God has given you different gifts. It might be that one day a crisis breaks out and while everyone else is panicking and overwhelmed by emotion, you are able to think clearly and help resolve the situation.’

That really helped me. I realised that personality traits I’d always considered weaknesses could actually be strengths! I started to understand:

God made me on purpose, for a purpose.

Do you know,

God made you on purpose, for a purpose?

Are there ways you feel different? You might find that your differences are actually gifts from God that he wants you to embrace!

Another cool thing about this story is that Steve is much more emotionally sensitive than most other men. Perhaps he felt embarrassed about that when he was younger, but can you see how God used his differences to help me?

Are there ways you feel different? You might find that your differences are actually gifts from God, strengths not weaknesses, that God wants you to embrace!

God’s better answer

So what does it really mean to be a woman?

The current popular view of gender claims to be all about inclusivity, but actually, if you look a little more closely, it is the exact opposite. It insists that being a true woman is decided by how much you resonate with, and live up to, feminine stereotypes. Doesn’t this exclude all the women and girls who are less traditionally girly?

God’s answer is far better.

Rather than narrowing womanhood down to lipstick and daintiness, God broadens out womanhood to include every single female on this planet – that’s 4 billion and counting. Talk about inclusivity! 

God says, essentially, there is no one way to be a woman. If he made you female, you are a woman. That’s it. No hoops to jump through, no things you might ‘get wrong’!

Can you see how God’s answer is more loving, more inclusive and more freeing?

Coming into this truth enabled me to breathe a big sigh of relief and find peace with being a woman. It is my prayer that in your life too, the truth will set you free!

Sophie shares more of her story in episode 5 of Kaleidoscope, our newly released youth group series. Head over to the Kaleidoscope area to find out more.