Children have always gravitated towards me. It’s one of my favorite things to have in common with Jesus. I hope it means I’ve achieved some level of recommended childlikeness and kids recognize that. It could just be I’m just funny-looking. As a single thirty-three year old with a podcast advocating for friendships between the single and married, I’ve been surprised how much this gift has served me to that end.
Often accompanying the joy a single person experiences from a pregnancy announcement is a low-grade anxiety that it might spell the end for their friendship with the parents. The most downloaded episode of my podcast currently is not a hot button topic such as divorce, or even one featuring a famous guest. It’s titled ‘Does a Baby Really Change Everything?’. The answer to that is a resounding ‘No’. My own life is proof that if you press in and embrace the little critters that you might subconsciously interpret as a threat to your friendship, it can actually lead to an intimacy and trust far exceeding your expectations.
Be a friend the whole family wants around and go along for the ride!
Let me start by saying I don’t think we have the option of being indifferent towards our friends’ kids. Much like how showing no interest in a friend’s spouse will limit the depths your relationship can truly reach, if you don’t show you care about the person(s) your friends love the most, it doesn’t exactly communicate love. Practically, more familial responsibility means less time and single friends will always come second to spouse and kids. It’s hard, but it’s right. So if you can’t beat them, join them! Be a friend the whole family wants around and go along for the ride!
Now I can hear you saying, ‘Kevin, you’ve already disqualified me by writing you’re a kid-person. I’m just not good with kids.’ Don’t write yourself off just yet. Unlike adults, children – especially the younger ones – require but a smidgen of intentionality. I once played ‘Keep the balloon in the air’ for ten minutes at a party with a six-year-old. The next time I saw her, I’d become her favorite person. How’s that for return on investment? If you just listen, most kids will tell you exactly what they want you to do. They’re very good at it.
Children know when they are wanted, and the parents will notice and appreciate it too. It’s an extension of loving them after all. And someone who can be trusted with one’s kids can be trusted with so much more. As a man who enjoys the company of children, I always strive both to stay above reproach and to reciprocate with appreciation for the privileges I’m given. It’s a scary world and the majority of abuse is perpetrated by men who are relationally close – a profile I fit. I’m not ignorant of the heads that turn when my friends’ daughter throws herself into my arms after a church service.
Through Christ, singles invited into the lives of friends’ families are just as much family (if not more so) than they are with blood relatives.
Doting on their kids also serves my friends directly. There’s a half-hour period after dinner at one home where it’s assumed I’ll be whisked away to their daughter’s room for whatever activity she has planned. This gives my friends a chance to clean up, have a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation, or simply catch their breath. Sometimes, usually after particularly endearing myself by being an absolute goof, kiddo even requests I facilitate the bedtime routine. The moniker ‘Uncle Kevin’ is one I wear proudly as it’s not merely sentimental. Through Christ, singles invited into the lives of friends’ families are just as much family (if not more so) than they are with blood relatives.
Once little ears are asleep, my level of involvement, paired with my singleness, allows me to both offer my parent friends conversation unrelated to family life, while also still being able to participate in that very topic, given it’s their main source of amusement and fulfillment.
Spending time with my friends’ kids is how I de-stress as a single freelancer. The oxytocin is real! Is it all sunshine and roses? Of course not! I submit myself to a host of inconveniences and exercises in patience. But they help me slow down, accept my own lack of children, and keep my imagination fit. Kids are an investment – not just in my friendship with their parents, but in my future ability to speak into their burgeoning lives as they speak into mine. And, perhaps most importantly, they’re just really fun.
