Most parents, youth leaders, and others who engage with young people will know that pornography usage is a huge issue among young people today. And helping young people make wise and godly choices in a culture where pornography is so widely accepted and readily available is one of the biggest challenges facing those who care for and disciple them. Aware of this context, Robin Barfield has recently released a booklet titled Young People and Pornography: Understanding and Responding Pastorally. We’ve taken the chance to ask him a few questions about the topic and his booklet.
Why did you feel it was important to write a booklet to equip youth leaders on this topic?
As someone who has been in youth ministry for 25 years, this is a pastoral issue that has been unavoidable. And it’s become increasingly clear that it is not just an issue for youth ministry but is also an increasing problem amongst primary school children. As shocking as that sounds, it’s become apparent that by the time we come to address it with teenagers, usually at 14-18 summer camps, things are at the stage that we have to consider issues of addiction and the impact on expectations in relationships. By this stage it is endemic rather than occasional.
In your booklet you opt to use the term SEIM rather than pornography. What does that term mean and why do you prefer it?
SEIM stands for Sexually Explicit Internet Material. People have used the term pornography to describe smutty top-shelf magazines and page three of the Sun. What we are dealing with in this digital age is something of an entirely different order. These are not just pictures of women in states of undress but full and sustained videos of penetrative sex of all varieties. To use the term ‘pornography’ plays down the severity of what is currently being viewed. Not only that, but the huge rise in sexting amongst young people is not covered with the older term. SEIM covers all these forms of sexual content, both self-created and professionally made.
What biblical truth have you found helpful as you’ve thought about this topic?
I was alerted by a good friend to the importance of the body. In SEIM the body becomes a tool to use or abuse, an extension of ourselves. In fact, it goes further by separating sex from bodies; they become disembodied. The personhood of those involved is unimportant; all that matters is genitals. This can be seen in the way women are treated as objects to be moved around, often in violent ways. The preciousness of the individual and the gift of the body – key biblical truths – are lost. How we help young people to understand their createdness and others’ createdness is vital.
What advice would you give about how to respond if a young person shares with us about their engagement with SEIM?
The main starting point is that they have been brave enough to be honest with you, when the rest of the youth group, who are also consuming it, have not. The most important thing is not to be shocked, surprised or judgemental. This is the beginning of repentance and a desire to change, so we speak with grace and not judgement. Helping them to speak the gospel to themselves is also going to be vital.
You talk in the booklet about the importance of opening the conversation on this topic. Why do you feel that is so important and how can churches do that well?
The more this particular sin is hidden, the harder it will be to address it. Struggling alone is much harder than struggling together. The key is to find a brave older person to open up the conversation by sharing their own honest testimony. This is probably not going to be an overall church leader given the vocational risk they might face in being honest here, but if you can find someone, corporate repentance among the young people may follow. If they feel that an older Christian brother or sister is also battling this then they can begin to be honest together.
This booklet is aimed at youth leaders (though it’s relevant to anyone involved in the lives of young people). What key advice would you want to give to parents?
There are a few things that are important for parents. First, do not be surprised or shocked. Prepare yourself that this is more likely to be a problem among your children than not. Similarly, expect it younger than you might think. It may be worth starting a conversation with something like, ‘When you see something you shouldn’t, you can tell me.’ With older children it simply means trying to open the conversation and find ways of talking about it that are appropriate.
Read more from Robin on this topic in Young People and Pornography: Understanding and Responding Pastorally (Grove Books, 2025). Available as paperback and eBook here.
