If you search the Bible for a list of dating dos and don’ts for dating, you’re not going to find it. But there are plenty of biblical principles that apply to your dating life. Here are just a few.

Show Honour

Honor is a common theme in the Bible. Romans 12:10 says, ‘Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour.’ That’s quite a high calling: to honour others more than we expect to be honoured, to seek their honour more than our own desires. But what does it practically look like to honour someone, particularly the person you’re dating?

It means that the way we talk to and about our significant other shows respect, gentleness, and care. It means honouring their boundaries and making sure you’re not putting your date in a position where they’re uncomfortable. It means treating their body as something precious, something you will work to protect and not exploit.

If you’re in a relationship, it’s a good idea to pause regularly and ask: How have I been showing honour to my boyfriend/girlfriend?

Practise Self-Control and Patience

There are some character traits that everyone tends to admire, like courage and persistence. Self-control and patience probably don’t make that list – maybe because they’re only obvious when they’re painfully absent. However, they’re crucial if we want to resist temptation and honor God with our sexuality. Our ability to patiently wait on God’s timing and to control our impulses has implications for all of life and will set us on a path toward a good life or toward ruin. Proverbs 25:28 says, ‘A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.’

Self-control and patience do not come naturally; they must be practised.

But self-control and patience do not come naturally; they must be practised. (And let’s be real: the phones in our pockets and the schedules of our lives will train us in the opposite if we’re not careful, so that our lives will be marked by hurry and instant gratification.) We can practice patience and self-control by resisting our sexual impulses. But it’s wisest to practice before we are put in a difficult position. Fasting (from food or from other things we desire, like screens or shopping) is one practice that trains us in self-control. Developing God-honoring habits around what we watch and listen to and what we allow our mind to think about will also help us when sexual temptation is strong.

Ask yourself: How am I intentionally practising self-control and patience?

Love Sacrificially, Like Jesus

We most often think of love as a feeling. We love the people we like, the ones who make us feel happy. And so it’s easy to say we love the person we’re dating because (usually) we love the way we feel around them. But is that all that love is? When the Bible describes love, it describes service (Galatians 5:13), perseverance (1 Corinthians 13:7), and sacrifice (John 15:13). Real love is always about seeking someone else’s interests ahead of our own. It’s taking on the cost so that the one you love doesn’t have to.

Jesus, of course, displayed the ultimate love when he gave his life for us. He calls us to follow in his example, loving others not because it’s convenient and makes us feel good, but as a way of displaying his sacrificial, life-giving love toward others (Ephesians 5:1-2). Love, then, is not about taking or feeling but about giving. And in real life, that often means giving something up for the good of another. In a God-honouring dating relationship, it means considering what’s best for the other person and for the kingdom of God rather than what we most want. An important part of that is seeking their sexual integrity and not asking for sexual fulfillment from someone you’re not married to.

Consider: How can I convey the servant-hearted, self-giving love of Christ to my significant other?

Ultimately, any time we’re tempted to sin, it’s because we’re discontented.

Find Contentment in Jesus

Ultimately, any time we’re tempted to sin, it’s because we’re discontented. In the moment of desire, we don’t feel like Jesus is enough for us. Like Eve (see Genesis 3), we feel like he’s holding out on us, that something else would be better. If we feel like we need to compromise with a person we’re dating so that they’ll stay with us, or if sexual desire is taking over our thoughts, or if we’re miserable because we don’t have a date – all of this is evidence that we’ve lost sight of Jesus and how all-satisfying he is.

The best way to cultivate a healthy dating relationship, then, is to make sure your relationship with Christ is healthy. When you’re connected to him, delighting in his abundant love, you can enjoy dating as a chance to get to know someone, have fun together, and find out whether you’d help each other live out God’s calling together. You don’t need the other person to fulfill you or bring you happiness because you already have all that in Jesus. You’re free to love them, selflessly and even sacrificially, patiently and purely, because that’s the kind of love you’ve received. And if you fall short, you can find forgiveness and a clean start in the unshakable love of God.

Ask yourself: What can I do to invest in strengthening my relationship with Jesus? 

This post in an adapted extract from More to the Story: Deep Answers to Real Questions on Attraction, Identity and Relationships by Jennifer M. Kvamme, ©2024. Used by permission of The Good Book Company.