Julia Sadusky, Talking with Your Teen about Sex: A Practical Guide for Catholics (Ave Maria, 2023)

I found it much easier to talk to my children about sex when they were younger than when they grew to be teenagers. Although the issues had to be put more simply, they were more able to listen and there was less awkwardness on their side. The influences from peers and school were not as acute, and the horror that ‘Dad’s talking to me about sex!’ was less of an issue.

Sadusky’s second book for parents picks up where her first left off. She wisely notes the need for a different approach – it’s not that the questions are different (although that is part of it), it’s that parenting teenagers needs to become more of a dialogue. Her first chapter sets the scene, ‘Why am I having such a hard time starting the conversation?’, before she moves into some of the specifics.

It’s not that the questions are different (although that is part of it), it’s that parenting teenagers needs to become more of a dialogue.

Over twelve chapters she covers puberty, masturbation, same-sex attraction, issues of gender dysphoria, abuse and pornography. There is so much wisdom in these chapters and her approach of encouraging listening in the context of parental conversations is strong. There are many points where I highlighted and took notes of things which I needed to learn and consider. It caused me to reflect on how I should be better at trying to engage my own children on the issues she touched on.

Her chapters ‘How Do I Talk with My Child about Gay People?’ and ‘How Do I Talk with My Child about Transgender People?’ were gentle and clear, and I felt she modelled well how to do it. The chapter on social media was more nuanced and balanced than many I have read and includes many useful nuggets of wisdom, including the ‘7 Ps of Grooming’ which were particularly instructive.

I wondered for a while why it had the subtitle ‘A Practical Guide for Catholics’ as the Catholic perspective had little impact on the first volume. However, it became evident in this second volume that the foundation of Sadusky’s arguments make this a book I would not recommend to Protestant parents. The main thing which struck me was how Sadusky tends to answer from the Catholic tradition and catechisms, rather than from Scripture. As an evangelical, I was looking for answers rooted in Scripture.

There are two places where the distinctly Catholic perspective becomes quite strong. The first is in the chapter on masturbation. Here Sadusky relies on the Catholic doctrine of the body and states that masturbation ‘goes against the natural order of our sexual organs and their purpose’ (p.64). She speaks in terms of ‘self-gift’, which is a particularly Roman Catholic view of the body. It may be that we would agree with where she lands, although I would be less strongly condemnatory than she is on the topic, but the framing of the argument makes it harder to pass to evangelical parents. She does go on to explain clearly and logically the Roman Church’s position, but I would be wanting evangelical parents to look to Scripture as their authority (which admittedly is trickier in this case).

The second place is in chapter 8 on crushes and dating where Sadusky turns to the concept of ‘vocation’. Evangelicals need to be speaking more of the issue of vocation, but it is a particularly Catholic idea, and ‘priesthood and religious life’ are suggested as possibilities. This vocation is given ‘through the Sacraments of Baptism and Confirmation’ (p.101). This is then followed by a description of chastity. Whilst some of this is about terminology, other sections are about the approach to answering questions and may cause confusion for some evangelical parents.

In conclusion, there is so much wisdom in this book and I would love it if evangelical parents could gain what I gained from it, but in the end, the general approach and some of the specific chapters mean that I would be cautious of which parents I passed this volume to. I think a thoughtful and aware parent, with some caveats given along with the book, could really benefit from it. It is a shame that I do not think that I have come across anything from an evangelical author on this topic which has been this well-researched, careful and gentle.