Why Do You Identify As a Gay Christian?

This is a question I was asked while part of a ‘hot topics’ discussion panel. It’s a question we here at Living Out – and others like us – often get asked, although not always in the same way. Sometimes it seems to be asked out of bafflement (‘You’re gay and a Christian, really?’). At other times the tone suggests curiosity (‘So you’re gay and a Christian, how does that work?’). Often, I think the subtext has an air of challenge (‘You can’t be both gay and a Christian!’). On this particular occasion, the question was clearly being posed as a challenge. So, what did I say?

My most basic answer is that I don’t ­– I don’t identify as a gay Christian. That may sound disingenuous – after all they were at an event where I had used the term ‘gay Christian’ in my speaker bio. But when I use that term, I’m not ‘identifying’ myself. My sexuality isn’t part of my identity; it’s not at the core of who I am. It’s not what’s most important about me and it’s not my ‘controlling self-understanding’ (as I like to define identity). When I refer to myself as ‘a gay Christian’, I’m describing myself and part of my life experience; I’m not defining myself or making a statement about my identity.

My sexuality isn’t part of my identity; it’s not at the core of who I am. It’s not what’s most important about me.

And I only describe myself in this way when there’s a reason to do so. In the context where this question was asked, the main reason I was on that panel was so there was someone who had thought deeply about sexuality and who had some personal experience to bring to any questions on the topic. My speaker bio described me as ‘a gay Christian’ to encourage people to ask questions about sexuality – undoubtedly one of the ‘hot topics’ of our day.

In reality, there aren’t many contexts where I describe myself as a gay Christian, because there aren’t many contexts where it’s relevant. I might use the term if I’m explaining to someone why I’m single and not expecting to marry or have kids. I might use it when challenging another Christian who is expressing homophobic ideas. I might use it when seeking to share something of my story and life experience with someone as we’re getting to know each other more deeply. But I’m not going around introducing myself as a gay Christian to everyone I meet.

Sometimes people object to our use of the descriptor ‘gay Christian’ because they think we are identifying with our sin and because we wouldn’t do that for any other sin. To think this one through we’ve got to consider what we mean by ‘gay’ and which elements of an experience of same-sex attraction are sinful. The latter is something we’ve explored in detail elsewhere (for example in this podcast and this article). What I mean when I use the adjective ‘gay’ to describe myself is that when I experience romantic and sexual attraction it is towards other people of the same sex. That also means I notice beauty in other men more quickly than I notice it in women. To put it simply, when I use that term, I’m acknowledging one type of temptation that is sometimes a reality for me, or perhaps rather the form that temptation will take ­– after all, gay Christians are not unique in experiencing sexual temptation. And as I’ve already noted, I do that only in contexts where there is a reason for me to do so.

Understood this way, I’m not sure our use of this language is so unique. There are contexts in which other Christians might use for themselves a descriptor linked to an experience of temptation – again probably only when it’s relevant to do so. A Christian who struggles with alcohol consumption could conceivably describe themselves as ‘an alcoholic’ or even ‘an alcoholic Christian’ in some contexts. Perhaps they would do that at a support group where they are sharing about their experience to gain support from others. Or it might be in a context where they are explaining why they don’t now drink any alcohol.

I don’t ‘identify’ as a gay Christian, but sometimes I do find it a helpful descriptive phrase.

The parallel is inexact, but this is partly just because of how the English language works. There aren’t many simple adjectives that describe the fact that someone consistently experiences a certain form of desire or temptation in distinction to another form. Most available parallels are inexact because they also imply that the person is also regularly engaged in the particular activity (e.g. ‘materialistic’, ‘racist’, or ‘proud’). We don’t have words to describe the temptation to many other sins. If we did, we might have more parallels to the term ‘gay Christian’.

There are times when I need a way to communicate about this particular element of my experience as a fallen but redeemed human. The language of ‘gay Christian’ allows me to do that. So, I don’t ‘identify’ as a gay Christian, but sometimes I do find it a helpful descriptive phrase.