‘Our strongest desires are not actually our deepest desires.’1
We all know the feeling. A desire has emerged. It tells us that if we follow it, if we obey it and give in to it, it will give us everything we want. And it tells us that if we don’t, we’re going to miss out. It takes over our minds and our bodies. It feels almost too strong to bear.
But we also all know how the story ends. If you give in to that desire, it doesn’t deliver. It doesn’t give you what it promised. It said you couldn’t live without doing it; now you wish you had never done it.
Why does this happen? Why do things not go as we expect? Because our strongest desires are not actually our deepest desires.
This is an insight I picked up from John Mark Comer’s brilliant book Live No Lies. It's such a profound and helpful truth.
All of us experience desires that come with such strength they feel irresistible. And yet sometimes they are desires we know go against God’s will as he has revealed it in his word. We know that they are desires that God would tell us not to indulge in. In those moments we can acknowledge what is happening, take a step back and remind ourself: my strongest desires are not actually my deepest desires.
Our sexual desires are meant to be signposts pointing us to God.
There are lots of areas in life where this insight is helpful, but sexuality must be one of the most important. We know that the very fact of our being sexual beings is about something bigger and deeper – the relationship God want us to have with him. Our sexual desires are meant to be signposts pointing us to God. We also know that for every one of us, our sexuality has been impacted by sin. In all sorts of ways, we all experience sexual desires that want to point us in the wrong direction. When those desires come, we can stop, acknowledge what is happening, take a step back and remind ourself: my strongest desires are not actually my deepest desires.
When we take this approach, the battles we have with our strongest desires, may actually become opportunities to connect with our deepest desires.
What would it look like to do that? Comer offers some great advice:
‘Come to quiet before God…
‘Take a few deep breaths…
‘Let the deepest desires of your heart come to the surface of your heart.
‘What is it you want?
‘What do you really want?
‘My guess is, if you go deep enough, you ache for God himself. To live in his love. To yield to his gentle peace. To let your body become a place where his will is done “on earth as it is in heaven.” That’s a gift of the Spirit in you.’2
- John Mark Comer, Live No Lies: Recognise and Resist the Three Enemies That Sabotage Your Peace (Form, 2021), p.121.
- Comer, Live No Lies, pp.121-122.
