Since the launch of our youth series, Kaleidoscope, last year, I have had lots of conversations with people about how churches can teach young people about sexuality and gender. One of the questions people have asked that really stuck out to me was ‘Why don’t you present both sides of the argument and let young people make their own decision?’.
It's a good question. What I like about it is that it recognises that teenagers are emerging adults – they are moving from being children to being adults. That means they are learning to think for themselves and to form and hold their own beliefs and values. That needs to shape how we teach them in our churches.
We should never be seeking to control what young people believe about sexuality or gender. We should be helping them to think through these big topics for themselves so they can work out what they believe and how they are going to live. We can’t and shouldn’t try to control what young people believe. We also can’t and shouldn’t stop them from looking into different viewpoints and perspectives. But I also believe that those of us who teach young people in the churches can’t and shouldn’t present to them the idea that God might bless same-sex relationships.
Why is this? It’s because of what the Bible itself says. The New Testament authors speak strongly and seriously about the role of the Church – and especially church leaders – to stand up against teaching that is out of line with God’s truth revealed in the Bible.
When the Apostle Paul speaks to the elders in Ephesus, he charges them, ‘Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock … I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves will arise men speaking twisted things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore be alert’ (Acts 20:28-31).
To Timothy, Paul says, ‘I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths’ (2 Timothy 4:1-4).
These words apply first to church leaders, but by extension they apply to all Christians. We are not told to present to people all the options and allow them to make their own decision; we are to teach the truth and to oppose teaching that is in contradiction to the truth.
Scripture shows us that the stakes are high when it comes to sexual ethics. What we believe and what we do matters (e.g. Matthew 5:27-30; 1 Corinthians 5:11; 6:9-11; Romans 1:24-27, 31). Stepping out of line with biblical teaching as it has been understood globally for almost 2000 years is no small thing.
This is why I don’t present both sides of the argument to young people – or to anyone. The Bible speaks seriously about sexual ethics. Getting them right has eternal importance. And it speaks equally seriously about teaching what is true and opposing what is not true. Offering both sides of the argument on same-sex sexual relationships is not an option if we want to take biblical teaching seriously.
I want churches to make space for young people to form their own beliefs on sexuality. I want us to treat them as the emerging adults they are. But we do that, not by presenting both sides of the argument, but by clearly and confidently presenting the traditional Christian perspective, taught in the Bible and upheld by Christians across the centuries and across the globe, and then allowing young people space to work that through. We allow young people to ask their questions, express their doubts, share their emotional responses and even to disagree. We treat them with respect and the autonomy they deserve, but we unashamedly hold on to our conviction that what God says is both good and true. That’s how I believe we can both love God and love our young people as we teach them on sexuality. And that, surely, is what we’re all aiming for.
