Here is a pushback that I’ve heard a lot. I’ve taught that marriage is for a man and a woman and received the response, ‘But that’s not very pastoral’. In other words, the concern is that saying that to somebody who is gay or same-sex attracted (especially if they are already in a relationship) won’t be perceived as being kind or good for that person.
But I recently found myself in the opposite position, facing an accusation of being too pastoral! In a recent Living Out webinar I made the observation that it is pastorally helpful for those who are same-sex attracted to emphasise the way in which Jesus’s experience of temptation is similar to ours. That, in turn, has led to pushback, that I was allowing pastoral concerns to trump theological precision, with the alleged result that I spoke wrongly of Jesus and played down the inherent sinfulness of same-sex attraction. I’ll let others decide if that’s fair.
If it is ever a battle between being biblically accurate and ‘pastorally helpful’ then we need to go for the first of these.
This isn’t just about me though. Many of us will feel (particularly those who are temperamentally sensitive) this dilemma within ourselves whenever we speak on sexuality – the pull between wanting to pass on the Bible’s teaching faithfully and the fear that in some way it might hurt someone. What do we do? We must teach the truth. If it is ever a battle between being biblically accurate and ‘pastorally helpful’ then we need to go for the first of these. That’s for at least two reasons:
- It should be an article of faith for us that God knows better than we do what is most helpful for people. He alone is the creator and the author of all that is good. He alone can see the eternal perspective and understand that what might seem good in the short term may not be of lasting benefit. He alone is the source of ultimate wisdom. So, if we find ourselves tempted to hold back from teaching the clear sense of the Bible because we are nervous about its pastoral impact, we must resist.
- We need a fuller understanding of what it means to be pastoral. Clearly it is a shepherding term and involves caring for sheep. But in Acts 20:28-31 Paul’s vision of what is pastorally helpful revolves around warning people against distortions of the truth. Consequently, bending the truth to be pastorally more helpful is fundamentally impossible. It will always harm people.
We need clear convictions, especially those of us with pastoral responsibility. But this isn’t quite a case of teaching the truth and hang the consequences, because the New Testament is very clear about how the truth should be taught. I’m struck by the way in which Paul tells Timothy to preach the Word ‘with great patience and careful instruction’ (2 Timothy 4:2). He also says that those who oppose the truth are to be ‘gently instructed’ (2 Timothy 2:25).
What is most pastorally helpful is to discern the truth of Scripture and apply it carefully to those around us.
In other words, we should hold to the truth that marriage is heterosexual. But that will need to be taught pastorally, perhaps including several individual conversations with somebody who finds that hard. Those conversations will need to be gentle, careful and patient. Likewise, questions around the inherent sinfulness or otherwise of same-sex attraction need to be answered on the grounds of biblical exegesis rather than pastoral concern. But whatever conclusion you reach does then need to be communicated with the tone of a loving shepherd.
As I travel round the country, I do see this done well. I hope this post encourages those who are being faithful to Jesus’s teaching and walking gently with those who are finding that difficult. But I do see the need for clarity. What is most pastorally helpful is to discern the truth of Scripture and apply it carefully to those around us.
