Imagine one of your colleagues turns up at your church one day. You’re surprised but excited to see them there. They tell you that they’ve been thinking about coming for a while. It turns out, they’ve been watching Christian content online and have been reading the Bible. Within a few weeks, they’ve made a clear choice to follow Jesus, and you celebrate with them the new life they’ve found in Jesus. You’re amazed, excited and grateful.

But you have another feeling too. It’s an uneasy feeling, a bit like anxiety, but also a bit like dread. And you know why you’re feeling it. Your friend has often been outspoken in their support for LGBT+ matters like same-sex marriage and gender transition. You’ve seen them post stuff online and you’ve heard them talk about it at work. As far as you know, they haven’t yet come across traditional Christian teaching on sexuality and gender and you fear it’s a ticking time bomb that may destroy their new-found faith in Jesus.

And sure enough, a few weeks later, they come to you, a concerned look written all over their face, and start to tell you some things they’ve been hearing about Christian views on sexuality and gender. ‘Is it true?’, they ask you, almost in desperation.

These are conversations we should be hoping we will have.

Most of us dread moments like that, but they should be moments we’re longing for and waiting for. Wonderfully, people are turning up at churches unexpectedly, already well aware of the Christian gospel because of their online explorations, and quickly ready to make a commitment to follow Jesus. And many of those people who become followers of Jesus will come with perspectives on sexuality and gender that are very different from traditional Christian belief. We know that what God says on those topics is true and good and so we want our new brothers and sisters in the church to know that too. These are conversations we should be hoping we will have.

But of course, our nervousness is because we know traditional Christian teaching is often a shock to new Christians and it’s something people often struggle to understand and accept. So how could you help your colleague in this circumstance? How can churches help those new to Christian faith or new to traditional Christian teaching on sexuality and gender? There’s lots I could say, but let me highlight three things that I’ve noticed occur commonly in stories of those who now hold to traditional Chrisitan belief on these topics but who haven’t always held these beliefs. There are three things I think we need to give people.

Give a Bible

The common feature I have heard so many times in stories of people who come to accept traditional Christian teaching on sexuality and gender is that they were convinced as they read the Bible. It wasn’t a good sermon at their church or a persuasive video on TikTok or YouTube. It wasn’t even resources from Living Out. It was reading the Bible for themselves.

The Spirit of God loves to do the work of God through the word of God.

This shouldn’t surprise me, even though I confess it often has. God’s word is living and active (Hebrews 4:12). It has power to destroy strongholds, arguments and opinions (2 Corinthians 10:4-9). The Spirit of God loves to do the work of God through the word of God.

This might mean we literally need to give someone a Bible, if they don’t already have one. Often it will mean giving them the encouragement to read and think about the Bible themselves. It might mean directing them to parts of the Bible that could be helpful to read. We may also recommend resources that can help them to understand what they’re reading (such as this or this), but the more important thing is that they read the Bible and allow themselves to hear God’s voice as they do.

Give them space to discuss

As people read the Bible, they’ll often have thoughts, reflections, questions and objections. Those who have spoken about how others helped them on their journey to accepting biblical truth often mention the fact they were given space to express these thoughts and work through them in community.

We can find this scary. Our fear might be that giving this space could be interpreted as agreement that multiple perspectives are acceptable or as indicating we’re not really confident in what we believe. Or our fear may be that leaving this space could be opening the way for someone to reach a different conclusion to our own. But leaving this space is vital. People need not only to believe what the Bible teaches, but also to have roots and depth to that belief, and that will only happen if they have space to discuss.

Give them time

The last recurring feature I’ve noticed in these stories is time. Often our instinct (perhaps especially if we carry leadership responsibility in the church) is to want people to quickly and fully assent to what the Bible teaches. The Bible is clear on sexuality, so we want people to be clear on sexuality.

Transformation through renewal is an ongoing process.

Now, of course, that can happen quickly, but often it won’t. And that shouldn’t be a surprise. Scripture calls us to be transformed by the renewal of our minds so we can know God’s will and what is right (Romans 12:2). Transformation through renewal is an ongoing process. It doesn’t sound like something that happens instantly. It’s something that takes time. That’s how God has set things up and that’s how he speaks about it in Scripture, so that’s how we should expect things to go.

Giving people time to engage with the Bible, ask their questions, and work out their convictions isn’t saying this is all unimportant. In fact, it’s saying the opposite. It’s saying this is so important that it takes time and can’t be rushed.

And these three tips aren’t a magic formula that guarantee success. But they’re a helpful starting point as we seek to help others understand, accept, embrace and enjoy God’s good news on sexuality and gender.