‘How are you doing, sis?’
Multiple times a day, I find myself either replying to these words or penning them myself as a friend comes to mind and I feel the need to reach out to them. What surprises me more than the sheer number of times I write ‘bro’ or ‘sis’ in a day,1 is how deeply I mean the words when I use them. Many of the people on the other side of my screen have become more to me than I ever could have imagined they would be – I regard them as family.
As surprising as I find this, for Christians, it actually shouldn’t be a surprise. The gospel itself is not just a message of reconciliation to our Heavenly Father and to our brother, Jesus, but also to each other. God, in his infinite wisdom, designed the family of God to be exactly that – a family. The fact that deep integration into the household of faith is God’s very own design can be a wonderful encouragement to anyone who has had to leave behind their family – or the prospect of family – for the sake of their faith.
I often find great comfort in Jesus’s words to Peter in Matthew 19.
When I reflect on what this means for me, a same-sex attracted person who has chosen to pursue the traditional sexual ethic for the sake of Christ, I often find great comfort in Jesus’s words to Peter in Matthew 19. Peter tells Jesus that he and the other disciples have left everything behind to follow him. Jesus replies, ‘Truly I tell you … everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life’ (Matthew 19:28-29).
For those who walk away from families, lands and properties, or the prospect of these things, for the cause of the gospel, it is a comfort to know that Christ offers us a tangible and abundant reimbursement, and not just in the life to come.
Often, those who experience relational sacrifice for the gospel can wrongly feel that the rest of their lives will be a lonely battle which just needs to be endured until they are finally with Christ. Although it is true that our inheritance will be fully realised at a future time, Christ makes it clear in this passage that we can also expect experiential gain in this life, even as we endure the difficulties that come with carrying the weight of each of our particular ‘crosses’.
When we think of what this guarantee can look like practically, the hundredfold abundance is seen in Christians enjoying their everyday lives together, experiencing something of a communal reality. The well-worn phrase ‘we do life together’ becomes an accurate representation of the healthy Christian community we see reflected in the New Testament, for example in Paul's words to the Thessalonians: ‘We cared so deeply that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our own lives as well. That is how beloved you have become to us’ (1 Thessalonians 2:8).
I’ve experienced this ‘sharing of life’ firsthand, countless times. I remember how much of an impact it had on me when, while walking through a particularly life-shaking storm, a family at church invited my nephew and me to join them every Friday evening for a meal. During such a tough season, it was amazing to feel so loved and drawn in by others who wanted to share some of those burdens with us. I have also seen this played out in how I welcome others into my own home. Outdoor space is a luxury in London (even a small bit of outdoor space!), and seeing a friend use my garden as a place of refuge and safety during a particularly difficult time in their life has brought home to me even more the importance of this God-wrought home sharing.
What I did not consider at the time was that physical intimacy is not the only kind of intimacy.
For the same-sex attracted believer, laying down the prospect of a romantic relationship in exchange for a hundredfold platonic ones might not sound particularly appealing at first. I experienced this myself when coming to faith, as the only fulfilling relationships I could imagine would have been romantic, and I worried that I would likely never again feel a sense of being known; I would always be longing for it, and I would forever feel like I was missing out. Without knowing it, I had held romantic intimacy in the highest regard, and therefore, it was not something I could ever imagine living without.
What I did not consider at the time was that physical intimacy is not the only kind of intimacy, and relational fulfilment need not only be found in romantic relationships. This may sound obvious, but in a day and age where friendships are shallow and romantic relationships are the highest love, it is no surprise that I felt this way. What I find comforting in Matthew 19 is that Christ promises to replace even lost romantic relationships with new relationships that are different in nature, but just as life-giving. Godly friendships that are deep, honest, and healthy, when enjoyed alongside the ever-sustaining power and presence of Christ, can truly be fulfilling and can sustain a single person.
I still find it amazing that the people who know me most deeply have no familial ties to me at all. The people I lean on, the people I choose to laugh and cry with, those who make me feel safe and my heart feel full, are all people who the Lord has given to me, in Christ. When I reflect on these things, I can honestly say that I have found Christ's words in Matthew 19 to be experientially true in my life. When the pangs of loneliness creep in or the lack of romantic intimacy gets hard, I take joy in the fact that as I scroll through the names of precious brothers and sisters, these people's lives are entwined and integrated into my daily life as much as any romantic partner ever could be, just in a different way. In other words, for everything I have left behind, Christ has given me a hundredfold in this life, just as he said he would.
- I counted my WhatsApp messages from just one weekend: I had either written or received this 15 times, excluding any messages from my actual brothers and sister.
