Here is a fairly safe prediction: there will be no shortage of comment about the Church and sexuality over the next few months. The Church of England – along with other church groupings – will continue to discuss whether it should bless same-sex marriage. Those holding to a biblical conviction that marriage must be heterosexual as a signpost to Christ and the church will want to say no to this. However, if we want to be fully biblical, we will need to say more than that. Often we will need to do two things simultaneously. Here are a few couplets that help us to think about that.

Being a family and holding up the truth

The letter of 1 Timothy is all about how the Church should function. Paul has a great summary in 1 Timothy 3:15 where he describes the church of the living God as ‘God’s household … the pillar and foundation of the truth.’

Notice the two things there. The Church is to be a pillar to exalt and display the truth. That includes celebrating the biblical reality that marriage is between a man and a woman as a picture of the glorious eternal union between Jesus and the Church. When a church fails to do that, effectively it ceases to be a church as the New Testament defines it. It is why I am very clear that I would leave a church that deviated from the teaching of Jesus on marriage.

But my fear is that there will be churches that stand for the truth who will fail to notice they should also be functioning as God’s household. It is the image of an extended family. A number of years ago the great 20^th century church leader John Stott wrote these words: ‘At the heart of the homosexual condition is a deep loneliness, the natural human hunger for mutual love, a search for identity, and a longing for completeness. If homosexual people cannot find these things in the local “church family”, we have no business to go on using that expression.’1 The language may be slightly dated but the heart is right.

Here is my plea to churches rightly concerned about standing for the truth: please put as much energy into making sure those who are, for instance, single find church to be the family they need. It is to be a place where deep friendships are valued and everybody has some sense of being known and loved. That is essential to being a biblical church as much as standing for truth on sexuality.

Accused of doing wrong and living good lives

I’m convinced that 1 Peter is a vital letter for our times. It is written into a context where Christians are beginning to be regarded as strange and potentially harmful. But listen to Peter’s instruction to the Church: ‘Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us’ (1 Peter 2:12).

The world around us having a different viewpoint on what we believe should be regarded as completely normal.

Notice the assumption: Christians will be accused of doing wrong. I would imagine Peter to be somewhat perplexed by suggestions that the Church should change its teaching on marriage because the culture disagrees with it. The world around us having a different viewpoint on what we believe should be regarded as completely normal.

Here is my nervousness, though. It is easy for us to become defensive and angry at the cultural changes and our increasing sense of being pushed to the margins. We put up barriers and hide away. Peter wants us to go back into that world and do good. We should be known for the quality of our love and kindness, the way we show interest in people’s lives and offer hospitality to people, including gay couples. Our goal is to leave a great big question mark behind us. We want our friends to say, ‘I find your view on sexuality old fashioned and possibly bigoted, and yet you are such kind and loving people. I’m mystified. What’s going on?’ And questions like that give us the chance to talk about the very purpose of the universe.

Being clear and offering living water

The supreme example of doing two things at once is the Lord Jesus himself. Let’s be honest – Jesus’ teaching represents tight sexual ethics. The disciples are astonished by how clear he is on marriage in Matthew 19. And the suggestion of gouging out your eye if it causes you to sin sexually (Matthew 5:29) is hardly the voice of one who is liberal in this area.

And yet sinners flock to him. They run towards him whilst the self-righteous flee. Perhaps they can sense the kindness and love within him. Consider what he offers to a real sexual sinner – a lady who has been married five times and is now with a man who is not her husband: ‘Whoever drinks that water I give will never thirst’ (John 4:14). There is increasing evidence that the sexual revolution is failing to deliver all that it promised. In our communities there will be those who are increasingly experiencing the emptiness of life amidst disappointment with their sexual relationships. What an opportunity to point people to the life for which they were made, to eternal life with the living God himself.

In the discussions over the coming months, I am deeply fearful for churches that deviate from the truth. But I am also concerned that churches with whom I would agree might settle for solely standing firm. This is a time to be the family of God, to love people in a world that is antagonistic, and to hold out living water to broken sinners. It’s a time to be truly biblical.

1. John Stott, Issues Facing Christians Today (IVP, 1990), p.360.