Sex Education – What Do Teenagers Think About Sex?

Andrew Bunt 1 month ago
Blog 3 mins
Found in: Sexuality, Bible, Church

When you were a teenager, what did you believe God thought about sex and sexuality?

I’m part of a generation that was told in church youth groups that sex was the best thing imaginable in marriage but the worst thing imaginable outside of marriage. It was quite a confusing message, and it made it sound like God himself was confused. I don’t know if I ever really thought about why God had invented sex, but if I did, I think I would have assumed it was just for husbands and wives to have a good time together. Youth talks stressed how good sex in marriage feels, even while continuing to talk about how awful sex is outside of marriage. Again, confusing.

But perhaps the thing that most impacted me was the fact that Christians usually didn’t talk about sex and sexuality. There was the occasional youth group talk on relationships, often a lone seminar at a summer youth festival, but that was about it. And all that I remember being talked about was the act of sex (‘Don’t do it till you're married’); rarely was sexuality talked about more broadly, and barely ever did same-sex attraction get a mention.

If someone had asked me how God felt about sex, I think I would have said something like, ‘Confused but largely negative!’.

What about today’s teens?

Twenty years later, I think things are different, but I’m not sure they’re always better. Today young people are hearing many more messages about sex from the culture around them. ‘Sex is just a bit of fun.’ ‘Porn is a healthy and positive expression of human sexuality.’ ‘Sexual exploration is important.’ ‘Embracing your sexual desires is the way to find your best life.’ All of these, and more, are messages young people hear online and from peers.

Silence is still a big issue when it comes to sexuality in churches.

Some will also be hearing messages about God and sexuality. Sadly, the caricature of God as anti-sex and anti-gay people still survives in wider society. Some young people hear warnings that traditional Christian teaching on sexuality is dangerous and might put them at risk of harm, especially if they experience same-sex attraction.

Across churches, I think the experiences of young people are mixed. Lots of youth leaders see the need to engage with these topics and want to do so, but many feel unsure where to start or what to say and so find themselves unable to help their young people as they’d want to. Silence is still a big issue when it comes to sexuality in churches, and so I expect many young people are confused about what God says.

What’s the answer?

What’s the answer to this mess? How can we help young people see God’s true perspective on sex and sexuality? How can we help them see that God has good news for them and their friends whatever their experience of sex and sexuality?

It’s got to start with breaking the silence. The important first step is to start having the conversation. Parents need to do that. Church leaders need to do that. Youth groups need to do that. We need to talk honestly and confidently about sex and sexuality so that young people in our churches know that it’s OK to ask questions about these things and that Jesus has stuff to say about the real-life topics they’re interested in.

As we break the silence, we’ve got to start with the big picture of God’s good plan for sexuality and the gospel story. God has a good, purposeful plan for human sexuality – good for all of us, married or single. Young people need to hear that plan. They need to know sexuality is ultimately about Jesus and that their sexuality is a gift from God, designed to point them to him. They also need to know how the gospel story helps us handle our varied experiences of sexuality. The story of creation, fall, redemption and new creation gives us the structure to understand our desires, find healing from our failures, and find power to live rightly.

And we need to encourage discussion. Teenagers are emerging adults. They are learning to think for themselves and own their beliefs. We need to give them space to explore their questions, concerns and doubts. They need to be able to think deeply about sex and sexuality so they can own their beliefs in a way that will hold firm as they enter into adulthood and experience so much more of the world.

Our upcoming youth series, Kaleidoscope, can help churches and youth groups with all of these things. Our hope is today’s teenagers can have a better perception of God’s perspective on sex and sexuality – the true perspective.

Find out more about Kaleidoscope and sign up to be notified when the series is available by heading to our Kaleidoscope page.