I read a lot of books with my three-year-old niece. We’ve been living in the same home for the last couple of years, meaning she has plenty of opportunities to draw me in with the magic words, ‘Do you want to read a book?’. (She’s figured out that this is something I will always say yes to.)

But every time we pick up a new book, I’m a little cautious. As we read it together, I am constantly checking ahead – What is this story about? What are these characters like? What kind of things do they say? What are the messages at the heart of this book? And are these the kind of things I want my niece to be learning?

She’s just starting to sound out words, but at the moment I can still get away with changing sentences or stories on the fly. The adults in our household (essentially a parenting team led and directed by my niece’s biological parents) are wanting to see her character formed in certain ways and not in others. For example, we want to teach her that kindness is important, that selfishness is bad, that the differences between people can be beautiful, and that Jesus is a good shepherd. If the book we’re reading together is promoting a different view of the world, I don’t want her absorbing that yet. Everything she sees and hears is shaping her, all the time – and we have a responsibility for that shaping.

Just like my niece, we are all absorbing messages from the world around us all the time.

It’s very easy to think this way about young and impressionable children. But how often do we take the same care with ourselves?

Think, for example, of the last TV programme or movie that you watched. Most likely you were wiped out after a long day, looking for a way to relax. We can think of our media and our entertainment as harmless, not something that affects us. But just like my niece, we are all absorbing messages from the world around us all the time. Our view of morality, humans, purpose, love – all of it is impacted and shaped by the things we read, watch, and listen to. So, the last thing you watched – what did it teach you?

A Challenge For You

I often use TV and movie examples when I’m teaching at a Living Out training day. One good one is from the movie Love, Simon. This is a classic trying-to-survive-high-school story, but with the added complication that Simon is secretly gay. I won’t spoil the whole thing for you, but essentially, Simon is outed by somebody else and ends up posting a kind of coming out in his own words. I have a challenge for you. Watch this clip, and then think about what it’s teaching you.

Done that?

It’s an emotional piece of video. You might be left feeling appreciation of Simon’s courage, sadness at the fear he has felt, or hope that his declaration of love is reciprocated.

But let’s set that aside for a moment and consider – what are the messages and assumptions contained in this short clip?

One is definitely about identity. Simon says things like, ‘Announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying, cos what if the world doesn’t like you?’, and ‘I’m done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am’. The assumption is that his identity is found in his sexuality. Someone’s sexual orientation defines who they are.

Another assumption is that life is incomplete unless we have a romantic or sexual partner. Simon says, ‘I couldn’t ask for more amazing friends, a more understanding family – but it would all be so much better if I had someone to share it with.’ He believes that as amazing as his friends are, and as understanding as his family is, he needs something more – something which only a romantic or sexual relationship can give him.

We are absorbing messages like this every single day. Sometimes they are as clear-cut as these examples. At other times, they’re more subtle. But everything we create as humans has some kind of message or moral framework. It’s all teaching us something, all the time.

These messages run counter to biblical truth. The Bible shows us that sexuality is not our identity – it doesn’t reveal or determine who we truly are. Instead, identity is a gift received from God.

The Bible also shows us that fulfilment is not found in one exclusive form of relationship. We can all experience intimacy, happiness and family with friends and church community – we’re not missing out if we’re single.1 And ultimately, of course, our fulfilment and completeness are found in knowing God.

This news about identity and fulfilment is good news! I think we find clips like this one from Love, Simon so emotional because it’s tapping into some deep desires we all feel – to be loved for who we are, to be content and fulfilled. But what God offers us through his gospel is so much better than the answers that movies like Love, Simon can reach for.

I’m not saying we should never watch TV or read a book again. We aren’t called to cut ourselves off from the world around us. Instead, we need to learn how to live in it wisely.

Romans 12:2 urges us, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind’. Here’s one way you can participate in that renewal: take a moment to think about the media you’re engaged with, and what it is teaching you.

1. More on the assumption that intimacy is only found in sex: ‘Misstep 5 - 'Sex is where true intimacy is found' (The Plausibility Problem #5)’, Living Out.
   
   More on intimacy in friendship: ‘Friendship and Intimacy (Friendship #3)’, Living Out.
   
   More on true family: ‘Misstep 2 - 'A family is Mum, Dad and 2.4 children' (The Plausibility Problem #2)’, Living Out. See also Andrew Bunt, ‘What Does Jesus Teach About Nuclear Family?’, Living Out.
   
   More on true happiness: 'Misstep 4 - 'If it makes you happy, it must be right' (The Plausibility Problem #4)', Living Out.