We need to talk to our young people about sexuality and gender. 

The world has plenty to say here, and it is speaking loudly. As youth leaders – as any adult involved in the lives of young people – we must be speaking too. If we don’t teach our young people what the Bible has to say about sexuality and gender, how will they hear it? If the only messages they receive on this come from the world around them, how will they know God’s good news?

But this can feel daunting, I know. Even with my personal story of same-sex attraction, I used to struggle to know how to teach the young people in my youth group – and the task perhaps feels even harder if you’re straight and married.  

If we don’t teach our young people what the Bible has to say about sexuality and gender, how will they hear it?

One of the things that helped me most was realising that Jesus has a better story. 

So often when I was growing up the message on sexuality was a simple ‘no’ – save sex for marriage. And that was it. That’s difficult for most people to swallow, but especially so if you’re starting to think you’ll never get married, and you’ll be missing out on this magical experience your youth leaders hinted at. That ‘no’ is not particularly inspiring or fulfilling compared to the Disney-fied stories of sexuality and gender that we are constantly hearing from our movies, news and social media. 

But Jesus’s gospel message isn’t primarily a ‘no’. It’s a story – the story of an intimate union with God that we were designed for, that we rejected, that is beautifully restored in Jesus, and that we will one day enjoy in full forever. It’s a story we’re all invited into – the greatest ‘yes’ in the universe. 

Youth leaders, start with this story. 

Whether your sexuality conversation is focused around identity or intimacy or morality, tell the better story.1 You don’t need to be an expert on identity markers or apologetics to do this – you’re just telling people the gospel. 

That’s some great, high-level stuff, but perhaps you’re after something more practical. Here are three tips for you as you have these conversations with your young people. 

Tip #1 – Be a good listener. 

So often we dive straight into conversations with our mouths open and our ears shut! James 1:19 advises us instead to be quick to listen and slow to speak. So what does it mean to be a good listener? 

Listening well means listening not so that you can respond to what someone is saying, or so that you can refute their argument, but so that you understand. Listen with the aim of understanding your young person and where they’re coming from. Be curious. Ask genuine, open questions. Really dig into what they think and why. 

We also want to be acknowledging what is good or true in what our young person is saying. When you do this it communicates that you’re not there just to defend your viewpoint at all costs – you're not facing each other like enemies squaring off. Instead, you’re side by side, shoulder to shoulder, honestly searching for the truth together and willing to learn from one another. 

Finally, as a good listener you must come into conversations with empathy, with compassion. Sexuality and gender are not emotionless topics for anybody. So that means being aware of the particular young person you’re speaking to, not just what they’re saying. What are their experiences, assumptions, fears? How are they coming into this conversation? There’s a lot you just won’t know, but there will be things you do know or can ask about. 

Tip #2 – Give both specific answers and the big picture view. 

A lot of your conversations might start with a young person asking a specific question. What does God think of a certain identity label or sexual practice? What should a Christian do in a certain situation? It’s important to open the Scriptures with them and find answers to those questions. But it’s also important to set those answers in the context of the bigger gospel story, the one that sexuality is meant to keep pointing us back to – the love story of a faithful God who gave his own life to restore an intimate relationship with us.2

Tip #3 – Use really good material. 

You don’t want material that doesn’t make sense, that skips steps or leaves gaps. You don’t want it delivered by teachers who are uncertain or unconvinced. That’s true of anything we teach our young people, but perhaps especially when it comes to sexuality and gender. 

It may be that you have people on your team who are equipped and raring to go with this. Fantastic! But if you don’t, I have some fantastic news for you.  

The whole series is packed with personal stories, panel discussions, biblical teaching, and conversation starters for your youth group.

We’ve recently launched a free (yes, really free!) resource for youth groups called Kaleidoscope. It’s a video-based series of six episodes that explores questions like: What is the purpose of sexuality? How does God want us to live? What about same-sex relationships? And does God have good news on gender? 

The whole series is packed with personal stories, panel discussions, biblical teaching, and conversation starters for your youth group. We’ve also produced a pack of training materials for youth teams, parents and church leaders, and a bunch of other things as well! 

Some of the content from this blog comes straight out of Kaleidoscope – so if you’ve found this useful, you’ll definitely benefit from that! Head to our Kaleidoscope page for more information. If you need some really good material, I humbly suggest that you need look no further. 

Whatever it looks like practically for you, let’s tell more young people about the better story Jesus has – for their sexuality, their identity, their life, and for this whole hurting world. 

1. I’ve discussed the better story for these things in more detail in my blog ‘Having Good Conversations’.
2. Andrew Bunt explores this in more depth in his blog ‘Lessons from a Week Teaching Teenagers About Sex’.